I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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