im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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