There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
