you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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