It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
