Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
