I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
