May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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