Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize