I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize