I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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