so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
