My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
false alarm. still invincible.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
