How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
