This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
