Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
