Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
