do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
