Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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