If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
