In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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