im six kinds of drunk right now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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