Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
