do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
