My nipple is on Facebook.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
