Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
