the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
