Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
