If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
