She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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