Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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