I wannas sexs uuuuu
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
