Plan B is the new Plan A
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
