we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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