quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
