It's Friday. Sex?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We named our party play list daddy issues
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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