He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
And then he peed in my hair
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