More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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