I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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