I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
