someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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