she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
