i permit you to call me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So squirting runs in the family.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
