There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
