walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
