11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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