just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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