I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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