I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
