1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We need a shit load of segways right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
