I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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