My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
pop tarts are not kleenex
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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