found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
