I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
