I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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