I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
