I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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