Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
