He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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