I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
