i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
