I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
