Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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