You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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