Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
